Little Boy Lost

You often hear of how damaged women are from past experiences, failed relationships, childhood traumas and the like. Well, what about those of the male species? Is their pain any less valid? Or is it the assumption that they're expected to be tough therefore hiding behind their feelings? How long can this mask stay intact before it falls off? Sooner or later, all that is hidden will surface. Imagine living the life you've always dreamt yet never being completely satisfied. Feeling everything & nothing all at the same time. What is the problem? Where does one seek answers? Then the focus is shifted to examining your life as a whole. Thinking of those times when you felt alone, abandoned, disappointed, amongst the many other negative emotions. Before long, tears run down your face as you begin to realize that your life isn't as together as you once thought. There lies unresolved issues, unforgiveness, hurt, anger, etc... How do you pick up the "peaces" of your life? We must learn to accept the fact that there are apologies we will never get. Some people are not remorseful while others lack the courage to stand in their truth of wrongdoing. What if that hurts stems from those who were supposed to protect and provide? With parents being our first example of what life and love should look like, can we honestly be successful men/women if they fail? If we live what we learn, are we doomed to repeat the very cycles we despise? Do all parents truly do the best they can or are some too consumed with themselves to identify the error of their ways? Are they not aware that we yearn to hear them express their pride, support, love for us? I mean shouldn't that be a given. Must we continue to suffer in silence because as we all know whatever happens in this house stays in this house regardless to the trail of disaster it leaves behind. Who will come to help us? Besides, it's weak to show emotion. We're taught that men are to protect and provide. Nothing more, nothing less. Mocked when expressing discontent. Labeled as being too feminine. What the fuck does that mean? Because I'm not a woman I don't feel. Bullshit. How do I begin to heal when I have to conceal that which is destroying me internally. Before long, it spills out into my everyday life. Arguments, fights, isolation until I've pushed away everyone who tried to get close. Not wanting them to see how much of a mess I really am. From one to the next, cycles repeating. Generational curses. Bound by mental and emotional chains. Trying to break free. No one knows the real me only what I allow them to see. Little Boy Lost!